You need to put yourself first.
Yep, I know, it's selfish, but that is absolutely okay because sometimes trying to put others in front of yourself is draining and hard. We’ve all been brainwashed to think we have to make everyone else happy first, and then we can think about our own happiness, and that's not right. Sometimes you need to put yourself before others, as hard as that may be, because at the end of the day you're your longest commitment.
We learn from a young age to please everyone because we all crave that approval and have a desire to be liked. Approval makes us feel loved and like we have a purpose. When we don’t have self-approval, we tend to seek it from others, which is why we become people pleasers. But, if we get approval from others at the expense of our happiness, we will approve of ourselves even less because we are going against who we are and what we want. So, we wind up feeling even more horrible inside, and so it becomes a down hill spiral of you feeling low and trying to seek approval from others which in turn makes you feel lower. Read that again if you need to, I know its confusing
But here's the secret, you don't need other people's approval to make your life better. When you are trying to please others all the time, life sweeps you off your feet and you lose touch with what you really want and what you really need. No one knows you like yourself, so why do you let others dictate your choices, just because you want to please them? Your intuition is there to guide you through life, and I can honestly tell you that you should listen to that gut feeling way more often than you do. You don’t need someone else there to help you make a decision, you should know what you want deep down and be able to make a decision from those thoughts. The key to knowing when you are on the right path is when you work on making yourself happy.
Think about the times you have been the happiest. You are happy when your comfortable and confident with your situation, whether that be because you dreadlocked your hair despite what your boyfriend said, you broke up with that dodgy ex, you got that piercing you knew your mum wouldn't like, or you said 'screw you' to your boss and went travelling. You are happy when you are doing the thing you are meant to do. Listen to your gut.
I'm going to be honest, and this could land me in trouble because people at school read these entries and may question me on it, but around 2 months ago I did something that changed my life for the better because I put myself first.
I was in a relationship with a boy. He was a lovely person, really funny and smart and caring and I did love him in that teen romance way, and I can honestly say that I have nothing but respect for him despite everything that happened. Without going into details, the relationship ended up turning quite nasty as we began to realise we weren't as similar as we originally thought, he didn't like my quirkiness as much as he had thought he would, and I didn't like the playful and childish behaviour I once loved, that ended up doing so much damage to our relationship. I couldn't see things getting any better, and we were going into a downhill spiral that we couldn't escape. I'd already decided that I would make 2018 my year, and things would go well for me, which made me realise I would have to leave the relationship and the memories we shared in 2017, and move forwards towards the new year. My year. And so, on the 31st December 2017 I broke up with him and put myself first for one of the first times in my life.
I received so much backlash. I lost friends, was almost and pretty much bullied because of it, but i'm so happy I put myself first and made that decision because my mental health has improved, I have more time and I am genuinely happy for one of the first times in my life, and so in 2018 so far I've been doing stuff for myself and I'm so much better off for it. Here are some things I have done:
I started skiing again having not done it for a couple years because it was something I really enjoyed and missed doing.
I bought my hamster loads of accessories and treats for her cage because I wanted to make her feel happy and not get bored when inside of her cage.
I applied to a few jobs so I could afford to do more of the things I wanted to do and to stop having a lack of money down as an excuse.
I threw a house party and invited a bunch close friends just because I wanted to have a good time and needed to make myself realise how lucky I was to have those people in my life.
I decided on three festivals I want to go to in the summer, Reading, Boardmasters and a smaller local one called Nibley because I know that I'll need a big treat after my exams finish.
I started yoga because I want to be more flexible and bendy and fit, and also because I want to get some cool shots in the summer.
I went on a spontaneous trip to a dessert restaurant called Kaspa's with some friends and said screw it to my diet because I was feeling low and wanted to go out.
I booked dates in with a farmer friend so I can learn to drive a tractor, just because why not and it looks fun, and maybe I could earn some money by ploughing and bailing.
They're only little things but lots of them build up and make you happier. I don't wan't to drag on, but I just wanted to say that you should do more of what makes you happy because you only get to live this life once. Trust me, you'll regret what you didn't do more than what you did. Mistakes build you as a person.
There, said my piece :)